Live, Laugh, Lav

Words by Lav (she/her)

Have a question or need some advice? Send all your queries to loveandsexsalient@gmail.com

Dear Lav,

Over a month ago I broke it off with someone and was pretty wrecked. We were having space and [when] I told him how I felt, the feelings weren't reciprocated, he apologised for being distant and basically said it’s not you it's me. Which is fair, but that was the closest I'd felt to anyone in a long time and it wasn't even real, just sex apparently. The odd part is that it wasn't even long term yet we felt so connected and I really opened up to them.

The issue is I thought I was over it but I still can't [stop thinking] about it. And in the last few days specifically I keep seeing them in public only to realise it's not them and I get so frazzled by it.

I would talk to my friends as they are gorgeous and provide a fantastic support group but ik they will say I should move on, he's not worth it etc., etc. But I just seem stuck.

My dearest Stuck,

I am happy you put yourself out there, even if your feelings weren’t reciprocated. I give you permission to feel these feelings despite knowing you should move on. Break-ups, for whatever reason, are tough! And the process lasts exponentially longer if we don't give ourselves time to process. Remind yourself that it is okay that you feel these things. But keep in mind that this isn’t an indicator that they were the person for you or that you'll never love again. You can miss them, be hurt, and still know it's best to not be together. I assure you that the right person for you will have no doubts about being with you. You might worry you can't move on, but you will. Slowly and surely, and one day you'll realise you think about them less and less, and you might start crushing on someone new.

Hello!!!!

Recently I’ve gotten into a relationship with a man who I’m pretty sure has never spoken to a woman before. It’s amazing. I have had my fun during my youth, but I have never ever received the type of energy like I have with this one.

My question is:

We’ve been dating for two months, and haven't banged. But we’re getting there. Are we moving too fast?

I’ve never wanted to have a deep set future with someone before, (completely understanding that it’s a fresh relationship, cut me some slack) but as I said. I’ve definitely had my taste in them. I’m scared the spark will die out if I end up going through with it, what the hell should I do?

P.S how do I ask him how I can please him (old school hand job style)

Hello my old school hand job giver,

Are you moving too fast? Honestly, only you know. The right time is whenever you BOTH feel like it's the right time. Check in with each other regularly, and if you sleep together tomorrow, or in six months' time because you want to feel good and be close and it feels right, then that's the right time.

P.S. Simple. You ask "Hey, how can I please you?" If he's not sure, then you can experiment with techniques, grip, speed, and check in with what he enjoys the most. I am sure over time you'll find the right way to make him feel good.

Love, Lav