Horoscopes 8th May
Aries: Venus is healing you with her love powers, Aries. A romantic connection is currently supporting you to heal childhood wounds. This mental health breakthrough has been a long time coming!
Taurus: You are a rebel without a cause. Mad ‘controversial for attention’ vibes. Taurus, everyone is bored of your whack-ass opinions. Playing devil’s advocate doesn’t make you sound more intelligent, it makes you sound like an ass.
Gemini: Awww Gemini, I can see you’ve been having a hard time opening up about something really significant. It’s okay. You’re going to find the courage to be emotional around your support people. You don’t need to hold onto this any longer.
Cancer: Something that’s held you back in the past is somehow being really beneficial. It’s a bit like getting a scholarship because you went to a low decile school, or getting recognition for work you did that was inspired by old wounds.
Leo: Oh my goodness, I’ve found another little rebel. Unlike Taurus, you have a reason to be going against the norm. You’ve caused a mutiny to break out in, most likely, a workplace environment. Authority must be questioned!
Virgo: [Editor’s note: The Salient Wizard is sick of the Virgos complaining over absolutely nothing. They have stated that the Virgo section will remain blank until there has been a mass attitude adjustment.]
Libra: The astrology this week is really good for some of those ongoing health problems you’ve been facing. I see an angelic coworker swooping in and taking care of some of your workload, meaning you can finally give your body some rest.
Scorpio: Oop. Scorpio, are you one of the many remote controlled vibrator users that seem to have infiltrated the uni? Are you getting it off in your psych lecture? Not you mixing school with pleasure…
Sagittarius: You live in a teeny apartment that doesn’t allow pets. Why are you scrolling through adoption pages of kittens? Actually, I do get it. When your flatmates question it, just show them this horoscope as proof that the universe wants you to get a cat.
Capricorn: You introduced your partner to your siblings and, my God, they love each other. Maybe a little too much. Your boyfriend may start ignoring you ‘cause the bromance with your brother is just a lil too good.
Aquarius: Fuck yes. Just when you started freaking out over a sudden medical bill, your mum swooped in and paid for it. Sometimes you get all up in your ‘my parents don’t understand me’ groove, but they seem to understand your stress after all.
Pisces: You’ve cut it off with someone you’ve been seeing and, oml, does it feel good. You have more money because you aren’t always taking them out, and you’ve let go of that clingy negative energy (they seemed like a rebound anyway).