Horoscopes 25 September
Aries: I see it clearly—you are going to get a large paycheck. You’ve quit your job and you’re owed that sweet holiday pay. Use your cash for a new tattoo, you’ve been wanting a lil frog guy for a while now. Alas, you shall regret the fresh ink.
Taurus: Everyday, you understand your brain more than you did the day before (have you been doing some online diagnosing, cheeky?) and it’s making you waaay more attractive. We will all gravitate to your new and improved, self-assured nature.
Gemini: I know everyone suffers from the end-of-year blues, but you’re suffering more than anyone. On top of your mountain of uni work, you’re being hit again and again by unexplainably expensive power bills, and unsurprisingly expensive medical bills.
Cancer: What? Cancer wanting to change their major? ^Again? Oh, now ^who could’ve guessed? My love, do you ^ever plan on leaving this place? I shudder to imagine your student loan. I bet you do too and refuse to look at how much it actually is.
Leo: Ugh, your astrology this week is giving the same vibe as someone whose parents pay their rent. Gross. I don’t even want to talk to you (for all the Leo suns who were offended by this, that’s what you get for not reading for your rising sign ☮).
Virgo: You’ve just found out how many 18-24 year olds aren’t enrolled to vote (36% I’ll have you know) and you’re entering your political advocacy era. Yes! Shout at the guy in your Comms tutorial who said that his vote wouldn’t matter!
Libra: Stop texting your ex. Move on and move along.
Scorpio: Scorpio, are you missing someone? Have they gone away on a trip, or are they just busy and spending less time with you? Awww, how sweet! Scorpio does have feelings. You know, I was getting a little worried there for a second.
Sagittarius: Since all your essays are written by ChatGPT, guess who's getting an AI-generated horoscope? *AHEM* Today, you might feel a little restless, itching to break out of your routine. This is a good day to take a break and indulge your adventurous spirit.
Capricorn: Uh-oh, we found the resident conspiracy theorist. Y'all always seem to crawl out near the general election. You’re as vocal as Virgo this week, but doing less honourable work I’d say.
Aquarius: You know, sometimes it’s okay to move back in with your parents. This full time study/work/flat thing is damn near impossible (I’m not entirely sure how the government and university expects us to do it).
Pisces: Don’t spend all your money on pay day, dude. When will you learn? If you buy takeaways, you’re going to have to decline your friend's invitation to go out for a drink on the weekend and sheepishly admit you have $2.18 in your bank account.