Horoscopes 18 September

Aries: You are slowly merging into the person you’re seeing at the moment. They like Jeff Buckley? You like Jeff Buckley. They have a nose ring? Goodbye nose stud. They order a spiced rum and ginger beer? I can only guess what you’re drinking.

Taurus: Set those boundaries with your family! No, Mum, you can’t call Taurus everyday and tag along every time they hang out with friends. What’s uncomfortable now will prove to be a good thing very soon. No more helicopter parents!

Gemini: I have a feeling that a lot of you Geminis are first-years ^scrambling to get into a flat and out of the halls next year. Let me guess, you’re a Capital Hall resident desperate to escape scabies? Good luck soldier ('-'*ゞ

Cancer: That upcoming 6000-word research assignment has got you reconsidering your life. I don’t know if you’re even enjoying this uni thing, man. You’re past 18 now. It’s time to stop factoring in your parents’ opinions when you make big decisions.

Leo: For the first time since you started your job, your manager isn’t gonna yell at you this week! Good job! No more tears in the dish pit or panic attacks behind the milk fridges. I’d recommend studying over the summer so you don’t have to go full time…

Virgo: Rough night got you reconsidering your life choices? Did you hook up with someone you didn’t like just ‘cause you think you’re supposed to when you're this age? Did you get drunk to avoid social anxiety? You don’t look like yourself, Virgo.

Libra: Your friend has been keeping a secret from you. Actually, this is giving Welly Gal Pals drama before they banned us from talking about our boyfriends. Are anonymous confessions being screen-shotted and circulated through group chats? Tea. 

Scorpio: There are three basic rules when it comes to hooking up. 1. Don’t screw the crew. 2. Don’t get with your flatmates. 3. Don’t get back with your ex. By the end of this week, you’ll have broken all three in the span of a month. Good job (◔_◔)

Sagittarius: Your hard work is finally paying off! You’ve been studying so hard, and you’re about to get the best grade of your life! B+! That’s impressive for someone who doesn’t attend their lectures and hasn’t bought a text book since first year. 

Capricorn: You have the same energy as someone who grew up in a conservative household and discovers that they can have a glass of wine with dinner and hold hands with someone they’re not married to without going to hell. The liberation is real. 

Aquarius: You have entered a new era of spirituality. You started carrying a piece of rose quartz around with you to attract love, and it seems to have worked. Soon you’ll be burning spell candles and hexing all who dare to cross you.

Pisces: Your hard work is paying off too, just like Sagittarius. You’re going to get recognition for something you wrote. Maybe the rock opera you submitted to get into the play writing course was the best decision you ever made?

The Salient Wizard