Horoscopes 22nd May
Aries: Your wallet? Dry. Your pockets? Empty. Bank account? Drained. Whatever you did over the weekend, I hope you enjoyed that night out ‘cause your ASB is crying.
Taurus: Why you always at the gym, Taurus? We never see you. You’re always busy. You never come get food or go out for drinks cause you’re too busy ‘getting gains’. Boring.
Gemini: The amount of time and energy you’ve had to put into work recently is killing your sense of self. Your constant fatigue doesn’t correlate with your identity of being the care-free, spontaneous one.
Cancer: Did you forget something important and only remember at the very last minute? If not, there may be a Zoom meeting or an assignment you won't remember until five minutes before it’s due.
Leo: The veil has been revealed and the truth is out. Something you wanted to be kept secret from your friends is now known, and they’re giving you the side-eye.
Virgo: A sense of a much needed direction is coming back to you. You got a bit confused recently and started acting up, but you’re recalibrating and now know how to get your life back on track.
Libra: I dunno what to say to you Libra. I feel like you’re always turning to me for answers. I’m just a person with an ephemeris, god damnit! I don’t know everything! Stop digesting so much woo-woo. It ain’t good for you.
Scorpio: OMG. Scorpio, what is it with you and public indecency? If I didn’t know any better, I’d accuse you of having sex in the workplace. This has ‘getting caught with your pants down in the broom closet’ energy.
Sagittarius: Sag, are you secretly hoping you’ll get covid? What is it you’re trying to avoid? Stop being problematic and face your issues head on. Is it a presentation? It won’t be that bad…
Capricorn: Stop being mean to your sibling! Well, it could be someone else's, maybe a friend’s or a partner’s, but either way! I love you Capricorn, but you’re channelling mean-girl at the moment.
Aquarius: I can’t figure you out this week, Aquarius. You’re either scrolling through sugar daddy websites tryna sus yourself a new Vivienne Westwood necklace, or you’re the scammer poppin into Instagram dms. Sugar daddy or sugar baby? Who knows?
Pisces: You’re a parental disappointment this week. Not to be harsh. That’s not even necessarily a bad thing. I have a hunch your folks are a bit uptight and have weird or demanding expectations.