Horoscopes 20th March
Aries: Scrolling through Instagram has inspired you. You want a glow up and you have so many ideas. Pins are being pinned and ambitious routines are being created. You won’t stick to them though. You’ll be back to your old ways in a day.
Taurus: Double check any essays you send in this week. You’re definitely going to send in something worth an A+ but get marked down to a B because you accidentally sent in a first draft.
Gemini: Gemini, you’ve been experiencing the worst of the world recently. Luckily, your pent up energy is finding a place to go! You’re going to find direction and purpose. As my boyfriend would say, “everything’s going to be all tickety-boo!”
Cancer: I hope you like stress because it’s going to be taking over this week. We’ve only just finished the third week of uni and you’re already overwhelmed. Drop that extra paper, babe. It needs you more than you need it.
Leo: Pluto is moving (this only happens every 30 years!) and it’s fucking shit up. This is your sign to break up with your boyfriend. Subconscious forces are at work. The outcome is out of your hands. Surrender to the universe.
Virgo: Why is everyone moving like snakes? Virgo, you have sooo many secrets. It’s actually kind of ridiculous. I would tell you that the truth always comes out, but knowing you, you’ll be taking whatever this is to the grave.
Libra: I have absolutely no idea how to write your horoscope in a PC way. Your astrological energy this week is…interesting. It’s giving sex ritual. It’s giving occult orgy. I can’t say your mother’s proud of you.
Scorpio:
Work is getting you down aye Scorps! It’s time to expand those horizons, read up on how to pair your outfits to the moon, or some other life sculpting shit. I know you’ve had dreams to start a passion project or side hustle, this is the time to do it!
Sagittarius: Something that happened in high school is coming full circle. Maybe you’re finally making up with the best friend you fell out with in Year 10, or maybe it’s just an old classmate trying to get you to join their pyramid scheme.
Capricorn: This goes against all your Capricorn stereotypes, but you’ll be in a silly mood all week. Seriousness is out and playfulness is in. I’d tell anyone else off for such neglect of responsibilities, but fuck it. You need a break.
Aquarius: Watch out for creepy crawlies coming to get you. This week your fruit bowl will be targeted by flies, your ceilings by spiders, and mozzies will be buzzing by your ears at night. You have been warned.
Pisces: The person you’ve been seeing is going to end it with you. They’ve found out about the second person you’ve been seeing. Don’t worry, your second personwas going to end things anyway, since they found your secret Tinder account…