DEAR AUNTY VIC #10

Question:

My partner just got a PS5. He now spends more time playing with it than me. What should I do?

Answer:

One time, my ex-boyfriend invited me over to his flat. We were navigating a period where every time we hung out, there would be a passive aggressive comment of, “You’re always on your phone! Quit scrolling TikTok and actually talk to me!” Reality was, we weren’t spending enough quality time together. Anyway, I went over that evening and joined the flat in the living room.

My boyfriend said 'hello' and proceeded to play on the new PS5, which seemed to mesmerise every man in the room beyond speaking. I sat there for 1.5 hours and nobody said a word to me. I got up, went down stairs, and got into bed. Two hours later there was an argument. I wanted to throw that machine out the window. The situation highlighted an issue within our relationship: our ideas of quality time did not align.

Look, I’m going to be real here. Video games have captivated the world since they were invented. They’re a form of accessible escapism. Flick the switch and you’re immersed. It is notabnormal for your partner to be engrossed in a video game—that’s the whole point of them.

Nevertheless, if your partner values the presence of a game on an electronic screen more than

you, I would kick ‘em to the curb. This is about understanding your version of ‘quality time’, how much you value that quality time, and consequently, how much you value your self-worth.

You really need to think about what you consider to be quality time. Quality time may not be the

top necessity for every couple, but I wouldn’t really call a partnership a romantic relationship if you failed to spend quality time together.

So think, what is quality time for you? How would you like to spend time with your partner? Does it involve an in-depth discussion of international politics? Partaking in an outdoor activity together? Being intimate? Whatever it may be, you need to be able to articulate it to your partner, listen to what they have to say in return, and figure out how you can both meet in the middle.

I do not mean to compromise your standards and allow the other person to be a lazy prick or put no effort in. It means recognising the needs of your partner and making a concerted effort to meet them.

Your partner may think joining him on the couch whilst he plays on his PS5 is quality time. If this is not the same for you, let your partner know and suggest alternative options. If they fail to listen, I have bad news for you. They are evidently incapable of understanding your basic needs in a relationship. Ignoring someone’s needs in a relationship is not love, it is laziness. If someone genuinely cares about you, they will be concerned that you are unhappy and figure out how to solve the problem.

Remember, it is one thing to enjoy video games, but it is another to use this as an excuse for not giving a fuck about your partner.