DEAR AUNTY VIC #2
Question:
“Since I started flatting, I've been feeling anxious about having sex because I’m loud. I care a lot about my flatties, who are quiet people, and the thought of them overhearing me is mortifying. My sex-life is going downhill in consequence. Any advice?”
Answer:
Welcome to the anxiety-ridden hell of navigating sex in communal living. In my first flat, I had a room below me, plus a creaky floor, bed, and door. All of my flatmates heard me doing the deed. Once I also received a text saying, “Jesus Christ, I think I just heard [name] orgasm…” My. Fucking. Sneaky-link. MORTIFYING.
The anxiety of having your flatmates hear you have sex is linked to a sense of slut shaming that society thrusts upon us with its huge-fucking-dick. We are taught to fear our sexuality from the moment we learn what it is. Sex is deemed taboo; not spoken about until you’re in a safe, comfortable, and non-judgemental environment. That’s usually while you’re at drinks with your closest mates. I mean, fair enough right? It’s the most intimate and vulnerable act in our lives.
Reaching a point of feeling sexually empowered and becoming a sex God is difficult. I can reassure you, your anxiety is wide-felt! Remember that sex is always loudest to the people partaking. Your senses are literally heightened. 99% of the time, nobody hears anything. Unless your flatmates are outside with their ears pressed against the wall, they will only hear an occasional moan, spank, or bed creak. Without context, it’ll probably blend into the sounds of the ^Love Island^ episode they’re watching.
If you’re in a relationship, it’s expected that you’ll be sexually active on the reg. Your flatmates weren’t born yesterday. They will be aware that at some point they’ll hear the odd murmur. However, if they are respecting your sex life, you should also respect their peace and quiet. Put simply: don’t have a super-loud shag at 9 a.m. when everyone’s having breakfast.
If you’re single and you bring someone home once in a while, go off. Be as loud as you want. If your flatties kick up a fuss, they can actually get rekt. I don’t think I have ever come across a flatmate who isn’t stoked that their single friend is getting some ass. However, to be polite, I would recommend flicking your flatties a message. Something like, “Hey FYI sexgod69 is coming over!”
As with many things in communal living, communication is key. If you’re confused about where you stand, think about this from your flatmates’ perspective. How would you feel if you overheard your flat-bestie getting some action? You’d think “ah, great stuff champ” and maybe chuck some headphones on. If it was loud enough, like indistinguishable from listening to audio-porn, you’d flick them a text and say, “Sup b, glad you’re getting some, but could you lower the volume, we’re having a study sesh.”
I’ve got three words to say you, Kim: communication, respect, and empowerment. Have fun, just keep it reasonable.