DEAR AUNTY VIC #1
Question:
I’ve just moved into the halls and I'm crushing on my neighbour. Even worse, he has a girlfriend of over a year. I know I’m not a home wrecker, but this is the hardest I’ve crushed on someone in year. What do I do?!
Answer:
Whether you're in a small, 100-person hall, or a monster like Te Puni, halls are overwhelming. Crushes are always common occurrences in the first few months of halls, whether it's a friend-crush, an actual-crush, or a crush that is destroyed after seeing what shoes they wear (men in low-cut socks and Air Force 1s: ick).
Let's just lay down the facts. You are not a bad person for developing a crush on your neighbour. The reality is, when you're in halls, it's seriously hard to not get a crush on every second person you meet. Everyone's fanatasing about fuck-buddies or their future spouse.
Until that crush fades, what can you do? I would like to remind you that you do not substantially know this person. A crush is an idealised version of someone who has been in your life for a maximum of two weeks. Girl, get a grip.
The only secure fact in this situation is that he is not all he's cracked up to be. Spend one evening locked in your room and write down all your feelings for this person. Blast “All Too Well (Taylor’s Version)” and fucking wallow. Unrequited love is one of the most all-consuming emotions and all I know to do is to sit with it. The following day, when your emotions have settled, go through what you wrote with a red-fucking-pen and call yourself out.
Yes, he purchased you a coffee. But remind yourself that he bought your other neighbour Anna a coffee too. Why? To make friends. Snapchats and walking to uni together—I hate to say it—can genuinely just be an attempt at locking in friendships.
Miss Capital-Crusher, I would not recommend completely ghosting this guy. However, I would recommend realising that everyone is on their best form in that first month. Get the fuck out of there, that's fuck-boy-101 type shit. You're in your first month of the newest chapter of your life, do not spend it obsessing over a crush.
Focus on remembering the names of people you met yesterday, help out a new friend with what outfit they're going to wear that night, go with someone new to the bottle store. Pour all your energy into new friendships and yourself. The boy can wait, he can be in that relationship. And if he's the one (if the one is even real), you'll have all the time in the world once he’s out of a relationship.