Issue 08: Archive.zip
Vic Bell | She/Her
CLIT PICS AND DUCKING OVER THE PHONE
In the first week of isolation, an old beau of mine came back into my life (digitally) for about four days, before we both realised that we do still in-fact, hate each other. Reconnecting was fun, but the problems we had in real life were still prominent over text too. I felt like I was putting in a lot of effort during our sexting escapades, even asking if he had finished. I was mortified when he replied ‘yes thanks’.
It’s safe to say that government imposed lockdown has dramatically changed the landscape of dating. The intense urge to reconnect with an ex or fling or even tell someone you like them is a reoccurring discussion within my friend group. Something so dangerous and somewhat liberating is definitely a productive way to spend your time in isolation. That, or spending a significant amount of time trying to find Ashley Bloomfield’s email. Reply! I just want to talk…
During the first week of isolation, a dear friend of mine called me in a panic. Even though I wasn’t in the mood to talk, as I was mourning my failed iso relationship, I was intrigued. Her ex flame asked her for a photo of her intimates, something neither of us had ever done. I was all for it, if she felt comfortable sending a clit pic then why not? Her takeaway from this experience was that “some secrets should be contained to the inner flux of the labia. Boobs and ass is all I'll do; there’s nothing cute about a clit pic”. Maybe she was right, this wasn’t a trip to the gyno. But this is New Zealand’s first ever government imposed lockdown, and I think that might call for some drastic measures.
Sexting can be kind of confronting. However, I sort of feel like that guy Miranda has phone sex with in Sex and the City after she tells him she wants to put a finger in his ass. Like, it may be awesome in practise, but getting a text from a guy telling me how he’s going to kiss every inch of my skin kind of feels like I’m talking to a predator I met on Reddit.
I must also warn my reader about the grim reality of re-reading over old sexts. And, always spell check, there's nothing sexy about reading ‘I wanna duck you’.
There are benefits to sexting and phone sex over real life sex. At least this way I am not having to cajole boys into using a condom. I’m not sure what’s confusing when I say I take the pill when I feel like it.
n all honesty, My dating life hasn’t been as dry as I thought it would be. In the second week of isolation, a complete stranger appeared in my DM’s asking if I wanted to watch Twilight with him when this is all over—this is not a made up story. Some may say unusual, I dare say: bold.
If there is someone you're wanting to hit up but feel too shy, maybe now is actually the time. One word of advice is to play it cool. There is genuinely nothing worse than being asked to play the question game at the ripe age of 21. Last time I checked, this was a game we all played in high school to see how sexually inclined your crush was—“have u ever done stuff B4?”. If you haven’t seen my naked body I am not telling you about the trauma of my childhood. Be chill, but...bold.
The reality of this isolation period in regards to dating is simple. There are no rules, text anyone your little heart desires. I mean it, who cares. Your ex wants to hear from you, they are so bored. That person you want to text is potentially dying for you to make the first move. Send that nude you’ve been storing up. But, most importantly take care of yourself and for the love of god, please proof read your ducking sexts.
I would like to quickly take this time to pay respects to my instagram penpal I recently lost. Our relationship couldn’t quite take the distance COVID-19 has imposed on us but I’d like to quickly say, you were very witty and we did have great surface conversation. I am hopeful he has found someone new to hit up after an evening spent doing ketamine and lying on his living room floor.