Belonging Despite Albeism

Words by Teddi (they/he/she) 

I am unsure of my place in the world, both in a physical and mental way. When I first started struggling to fit into an often ableist world, I realised that no one talked about how disabled people can’t exist in a way that makes sense to others. 

I couldn’t work for two years. Even though I was studying part time, I wasn’t physically able to do anything more. Society puts a lot of pressure on people to be productive. I remember being in primary school, and everyone going around saying what jobs they wanted. Realising that common things, that everyone else experiences, like careers, might not be the same for me was daunting. I felt that I had no purpose, and with limited income, I couldn’t really do anything like move out, get my own place, or plan for a future career. Dreams I’d been told all my life would fall right into my hands were suddenly pushed out of reach. 

It felt like when Tinker Bell was no longer able to fly in Peter Pan. I didn’t believe in myself or my own future anymore. 

I found out this is actually a very common thing for people that suddenly become disabled, or more disabled. In my experience, social workers (not therapists) are the best people to talk to, as they see people from all walks of life. They helped show me that there is more than one way to succeed in life, but also that ‘success’ as society defines it is not real. Find out what your definition of success is, and hunt out little ways to cherish the moments when they come rather than moving onto the next goal. 

Having this column is one of my greatest successes. I was terrified when I realised I really was disabled, and at one point, I had someone say to me that my life was their worst nightmare. 

But I love my life right now. I feel lucky that I get to have the conversations about how to make life easier for others with disabilities and that I am well enough to advocate for myself and others. If I have one person relate to this column, or help someone understand how to better support someone with a disability, then that is my greatest success. I want conversations on how to accommodate others to be as normal as asking what milk you want in your coffee. Lactose intolerance isn’t going to go away regardless of whether dairy milk is the only thing available—so it's better we find out how to make sure everyone can drink a coffee they like.

That being said, I can only offer my own perspective on being disabled. So I would like to open TeaSpoonie up and allow other people to help work on this project, and ask how to make VUW and daily life more inclusive for people with different disabilities. Please email TeaSpoonie.Writing@gmail.com if you would like to be involved and help normalise talking about disability.