Ngai Tauira

Words by Zephaniah Witoko (he/him)

CW: discussion around the impact of gangs and gang violence

Growing up in Flaxmere, Hawkes Bay with a single mother on welfare was common for most of the people I grew up with. 

For us, it was normal to go to school with no lunch and no shoes. 

For us, it was normal for nobody to turn up to parent interviews. 

For us, we were given this life without a voice to use. 

Looking back now, my mother often would have to go hungry for my sister and I to eat. I didn't understand at the time, but for most other people, this was not the norm. Generational cycles like gangs, domestic violence, and alcoholism were all real and scary parts of my upbringing. One day my mother and I were parked in the drive when my aunty parked up behind us with a bulldog. Five minutes later, her patched-up partner ruthlessly beat her in our driveway. As an eight-year-old kid, I didn't know what to think and most importantly I didn’t know if we were next. 

We would often get visits from Triple J, my mum's childhood friend and former captain of Mongrel Mob Notorious. As a kid, I'd look out the window and stare at his red Cadillac in awe. From having no car to seeing a Cadillac parked in my driveway, this was the appeal of gang life. However, living in Flaxmere her whole life, my mother truly understood what gang life was really like and did everything in her power to ensure I didn't fall victim to it. 

I grew up half of my life not knowing that most of my visiting uncles were Mongrel Mob members. It wasn't until I turned 18 that my mum told me she would make them take their patches off every time they came to our home. When I asked her why, she said, “My son, if you ever joined the Mongrel Mob, I would never forgive myself.” These are the experiences that have helped shape me into the man I am today. 

For this reason, I believe the kids are our future. I often wonder what my eight-year-old self would say if he saw me studying Psychology and Māori at the Victoria University of Wellington. I wasn't supposed to be here. I wasn't supposed to have a platform to speak on my experiences. I was supposed to be patched-up. But through the love and guidance of my mother, I am here today, and I intend to extend this love to my community. 

When I returned to Hawke's Bay at the end of 2021, I was fortunate enough to join a kaupapa that shared my desire to help our community. Backyard Motivation, an exercise Facebook page, was founded by Coven Ratima. From what started as ten of my close friends and whānau training in Coven's backyard (hence the name Backyard Motivation), this movement ultimately flourished into a beautiful kaupapa for the community. Now, with over 450 members, Coven and my cousins are working hard every day with our tamariki to break the generational cycles. Our love for our people, our community, and most importantly, our children is what brought us together, and I hope by sharing this with you, you will learn to appreciate the importance of our kids as well!! 

Ngā mihi, Zephaniah Witoko