Horoscopes 24 July
Aries
Damn Aries, Barbie influenced you a little too hard—everything is rose-tinted and sparkly in your life this week. Suddenly everyone is Ryan Gosling-sexy and even your two-minute noodle girl dinner tastes like Michelin star ramen. My advice: ground yourself in reality before Tuesday!
Taurus
I’m sensing weird vibes in your flat… someone might be moving out, or there might be a disagreement about cleaning. Either way, it looks like it’s going to be better for your flat dynamic. Do: sauces, pottery class, and strap on. Don’t: mint green, sudoku, and J names.
Gemini
Intense emotions are inspiring you this week. You’ll get messages in weird cheese dreams and trap music—make sure to write them down, they’re important. This is the time for self care and reflection. Your internal work is starting to pay off. A breakthrough is on its way.
Cancer
Cha ching! Your tax refund came in late, and you’re suddenly balling—this is the time to save!!! Your partner might ask you to make a decision. If you use your words, you’ll manifest what you want this week. And in that conflict with your flat, babes, you’re the one being unfair.
Leo
Time to put those half-baked plans back on the grill. This is the perfect time to go hermit mode, pop on some sick tunes, eat an edible, and brainstorm your debut novel. And on Wednesday, remember, no one gets it you like you do—DIY, it’s in your DNA.
Virgo
People are starting to notice your skills, my friend. Whether it’s essay writing, underwater hockey, or tarot readings, you’re absolutely slaying the game. I know you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, things are looking up from this week on.
Libra
There’s an abundance of connection coming into your life. It’s giving opening up your relationship, or maybe meeting your platonic soulmate on a night out. Take the leap this week, it’s gonna pay off. And yes, block them first iykyk.
Scorpio
Time is on your side this week. I’m seeing you finding money on the ground and all your outfits coming together perfectly. Use a magic 8 ball to ask the universe for help this week, and you will receive. Beware your love and family life might have a crossover episode.
Sagittarius
Quitting your Blue V addiction has paid off. I’m envisioning a full week of 9 hour sleeps and your therapist giving you a random discount. Renew your passport! The travel wizard has a trip in store for you, but only if you do the adult thing and put on your big boy pants!
Capricorn
The cock block on your creativity will finally vanish this week. You better put it to good use though otherwise this newfound mojo will leave nothing but bad juju in your life. Time to be the ultimate Boss Bitch Capricorn, you’re gonna have to take the lead on that group project.
Aquarius
Your landlord just called me, you can have pets now. There's a glitch on your next paycheck, it’s your boss's fault, and it will be fixed within five working days—the money gods are on your side. Also, yes, live out your Ken dreams and rock that double denim.
Pisces
I’ve decided, Garage sale at your flat! It’s time to Marie Kondo your life, this is your minimalism era. You are a communication god this week. If you've been putting off a tricky convo now is the time! Your inner critic is too stunned to speak!