The Power of the Ick
Words by Joanna Fan (she/her)
Shit can go south very quickly in the early phases of dating. All it takes is a single ick and poof, the magic’s gone.
No one WANTS to get the ick, but we’re all innately human and its completely uncontrollable. Before a relationship begins, there will be multiple warning signs along the way. If a red flag is a deal breaker, a pink flag is a turnoff, a.k.a. an ick.
An ick is a moment of clarity that arises against your will. Did that person really show up wearing ripped skinny jeans? God, she’s a horse girl? He CLAPPED when the movie ended? And you think: what the fuck is wrong with me? Should I be cringing over such minute details?
Icks are subjective, personal, and often irrational. They’re triggered by specific choices that your date acts upon. But they can also have legitimate consequences on your budding relationships.
The people have spoken, and here are their biggest icks:
1. Using emojis unironically
The truth is hard to hear, but there is no reason for someone to be using emojis unironically if they’re under 40. And yes, I am specifically talking about that crying-laughing one. I don’t need matching visuals for every text someone sentds.
2. Playing crack the egg on the trampoline, but they’re the egg
This is one that requires your imagination. I can’t say many people have experienced this ick first hand. But the thought of someone the person I’m dating in a fetal position, holding on for dear life, whilst being tossed around a trampoline actually makes me grimace. It has the same energy as riding the bull in Dakota.
3. Using a baby voice
Using a baby voice on small children and pets is disturbing enough, but if someone uses it on grown adults…I’m scared of them.
4. No top sheet/dark coloured sheets/a single flat pillow/single bed
I’ve seen this exact bedroom a few too many times, particularly from a ~specific group~ of people. First of all, if someone has dark sheets, how are they supposed to know when they’re dirty? Or do dark sheets just provide blissful ignorance? A single FLAT pillow on a single bed tells me the person doesn't have room for me on their bed, let alone in their life. At the very least, I require a double bed that isn’t touching the floor, with a top sheet and multiple pillows that support my spinal cord and my basic human rights.
5. Telling a joke in a group setting, but no one hears so they have to repeat it
Yes, I did get second hand embarrassment from writing this. There is absolutely no way to recover smoothly after it. But also, you’re lying if you say this has never happened to you. To all the joke repeaters out there: I’m listening. You’re so brave.
6. Eating food that’s too hot
When someone is already committed to eating food that’s too hot and either has to spit it out or splutter and do that “ah ah ah” thing with their mouth (I wish Salient articles came with sound effects). This is an unavoidable, universal experience, but is still a massive ick. How do you recover from it? It has the same energy as people ordering ‘spicy’ food to seem cool but not being able to handle it when the food arrives. There’s nothing wrong with ordering a ‘mild’ dinner, I promise.
7. Calling someone ‘babe’
To me, there’s just something so condescending about calling someone babe, especially if you don’t know them well. If someone calls me babe on the first date, I’m out (if you do this ironically, that's a completely different story, and I’ll give you a pass).
8. Singing loudly and getting the words wrong
We’ve all done this drunk at a party, but when someone does it sober it’s 10 times worse. Or when they’re waiting for the beat drop and do that hand thing, but they’re either too early or completely miss it. Equally off-putting.
9. Chasing after a ping pong ball
Oddly specific, but I get it. A person’s body just forgets how to move when they do this. Also falling under the same category: someone walking back to their seat after they’ve had their turn at bowling, running to catch the bus with their backpack bobbing up and down, and chasing after a piece of paper that the wind blew away.
10. Replying too quickly/being too available
Don’t get me wrong, we love a timely reply. But someone replying within seconds after I’ve taken hours to reply to them? I should not be that much of a priority in the talking phase. Do they work? How much time do they spend on their phone? What is their screen time?
11. Questionable driving habits
There’s a couple icky things to dissect here:
When their window wipers are on the highest speed, disproportionate to the level of rainfall.
The inability to parallel park independently. Specifically when you have to get out of the car and guide them in, doing the hand gestures, yelling through the window—the whole shabam.
Frozen windscreen. When it doesn’t defrost in time and they have to peer through a tiny hole for visibility. What happened to road safety!
And finally, still being on their learner’s past 20. Grow up.
Some more crowd-sourced icks to make you chuckle:
Running up the stairs on all fours
Eye contact (???)
Playing air guitar
Making judgments on someone based off of their star sign
No-show socks
Gloves, especially black gloves (love is pain, just freeze)
Wearing t-shirts with cheesy slogans
People who say “don’t talk to me before I’ve had my morning coffee”
Their favourite director being Quentin Tarantino
Not being able to let loose and have a good boogie (the good ol’ “I don’t dance”)
Getting out of a beanbag
Eating a sandwich with the filling spilling out the other side
Using Snapchat as your primary mode of communication
Drinking Ccruisers
Grown adults who can’t use chopsticks