Drip Dry Morals
Words By Sally Ward | She/Her
I moved to Wellington from Hawkes’ Bay six years ago. I bought a new pair of white converse, a scarf, and a grey coat. I learned how to fill my eyebrows and found the right cut of sock to suit my ankles. I didn’t take my coat to town in case I looked like a prude. I was ready to leave behind my hometown and read more books and drink more coffee.
I have felt guilty about the things I did to fit in, as if I should’ve been a better feminist. I should’ve said “get your hands off me” when someone grabbed my waist. How naive to think I needed men to like me to be valid. I’ve had to unlearn assumptions about what it means to be a woman and put them back together in a way that made me feel most like myself. I feel like myself when I’m not being catcalled :)
I am uneasy about my place as a young woman. During my six years at university scandals have piled up like some deranged chocolate sundae that keeps getting sprinkled with more bullshit. This includes sexual assault in workplaces (especially law firms), murder trials that are grossly direspectful to female victims, and predatory behaviour in parliament.
In 1963 the Editor of Salient wrote an article called "Women and University." When someone writes they “would be the last to attack the independence and liberality of University life,” they are about to attack the independence and liberality of university life. Except independence and liberality were things university offered exclusively to men, because “there are hazards—at least for the girls.”
The main concern of "Women and University" was that girls would drink like men, sleep around like men, and have no moral compass. As such, no one would want to marry them. Ostensibly, the author was trying to protect girls from what he knew to be true. And what was true in 1963 was that unmarried women with an STI and “drip dry morals” would not fare well after graduating. The article concludes:
“The most important thing a woman can do is to maintain her femininity. She must maintain her taste in clothes and makeup, while avoiding becoming loud. She must have considered what her standards are. It is easy for a University girl to lose her femininity and her dignity. If she does this she will never become a lady.”
More shocking is the objectification of bodies for male pleasure.
“The adage a girl who is becoming a woman must remember is that New Zealand still suffers, to some degree, from a 19th Century morality. This morality has two edges. What is right for a man may not be forgiven in a woman.
This is not a question of virginity. It is a question of sincerity and self respect. A man will take what he can from a body which attracts him. But he will marry a woman whom he respects.”
The author of this piece is former Prime Minister Sir Geoffrey Palmer. He is responsible for the New Zealand Bill of Rights. Our Editors asked Sir Palmer for comment on this piece and were referred to pages 105-112 of his 2013 memoir: Reform.
However, it does not seem that Sir Palmer has reformed his view on this article very much—calling it “controversial”, and that’s it. He also explains that he tried to “liven up” the magazine by introducing a girl of the week to the publication.
I wouldn’t give a shit about what Sir Geoffrey Palmer wrote in 1963 if it wasn’t relevant.
What I find in the misogyny of 1963 is solace that I haven’t made up my feelings. I didn’t turn on a gaslight and fool myself into believing that I needed to appeal to the male gaze. This culture is a product of our social history. Even prominent thinkers, who have done admiral things, have expressed views that’ll make you spit out your tea. I often choose to be passive because it’s easier. I’m tired. Slowly, I find space to examine how misogyny influences my choices.
There have always been people creating and imagining different ways of being. In response to Sir Geoffrey Palmer’s piece, women wrote in to tell him to piss right off. Jacy Stewart quoted Simone de Beauvoir and peaced out with: “New Zealand will continue to suffer from 19th Century morality while editorials such as yours continue to be written.”
How can we continue to create independence and liberality at university?
Play around with femininity. When you look in the mirror, do you see yourself or do you see yourself as you think men see you? Experience what happens if you don’t wear a bra in the Wellington wind. Dye your hair an unnatural shade of blonde or blue. Find clothes that are too big or too small so people can’t see the outline of your waist, or maybe they can see too much. Wear no makeup to town or so much glitter that it looks like you’re off to join the circus.
Consider not getting married in case there are other ways of living. Marriage might not be for you. If you leave university without a proposal or even the prospect of a proposal, you have not failed. Marriage is not always the ultimate goal of dating. Alternatively, you could make a pinterest board of wedding dresses that are not white to show that you lack purity. Ask a boy if they’d take your last name, as a philosophical exercise.
Think about morality. Morality ultimately accepts that ‘boys will be boys,’ or as quoted above, a man will take what he wants from a body that attracts him. If you see behaviour that stinks that stench, think about how you can rubbish it. Surround yourself with people who support you if you are feeling unsafe and help others feel safe.
Say no. There are lots of ways to say no. We may not realise that our boundaries have been crossed until afterwards. Remember that an assault is an “unwanted touch.” This is because the law intends to recognise every person’s right to bodily integrity. Isn’t it weird that people feel entitled to touch your leg without asking?
Ask your lecturers for some material on critical feminist theories and intersectionality, or maybe write your own. They’re a bit harder to find and less popular in the academic mainstream. Cross out gendered language in your course materials if there’s anything left.
Have a stiff drink, go dancing for the sake of it, and be as slutty as your lowest cut top. Of course, it’s important to go with a group for safety.
Sleep around a bit so that next time the nurse asks you if you are sexually active you can say “Yes!” Use protection, choose partners carefully and learn about your boundaries.
And remember, however you choose to express yourself as a woman, you can’t win. You may as well do what you want.
In the words of our former editor:
'The New Woman' is a hard and brash super sophisticate, with dyed hair and drip dry morals. She can take her drink like a man and chooses who she will go to bed with. The one thing this woman does not have is the respect of men.”
- Sir Geoffrey Palmer, Salient 1963.