Nothing Composts and Your Life is a Lie

Jamie Clarke | He/Him

Chances are, if you’re reading this, you’re a student at Vic who cares somewhat about the environment. Chances are also that you have (or are) a flatmate who cares soooo much about the planet that they decided it would be a good idea to get a flat compost bin, for all those home compostable plastics you use. Well, buckle up, because I’m about to ruin your life.

For the record, this isn’t actually an attack on people like you (and me) who want to make better choices; naturally, this is an attack on corporations using green branding to get your coin.

Compostable Bin Liners: -2 out of 5 stars

If you’ve ever used one of these bin liners in an attempt to save the turtles, I’m so sorry. They’re so flimsy that it’s near-impossible to lift a full bag of rubbish without spilling noodle packets and the leftover beans you drunkenly made the night before all over the floor. 

But, these don’t just suck on a practical level. I also love the turtles, and would probably be complaining far less if these things actually composted. After all, this is the selling point that makes them cost so much more. Sure, they’re “home and commercially compostable”, but if you’re using them to line your rubbish bins that go to landfill, that’s kinda besides the point. These little fuckers do not, and cannot, compost in a landfill environment, so they’ll be as good as plastic in there. And while yes, it’s great that we’re reducing demand for plastic, we’re not addressing the contents inside these ‘eco’ bags.   

Compostable Coffee Cups: 0/5 stars

Don’t get me wrong, I love wasting my hard-earned minimum wage on $6 coffees as much as you do, but don’t think that by paying extra to go somewhere that uses compostable cups means you’re saving the planet. These guys aren’t home compostable, which I know because we’ve had one sitting in our compost for over 3 months now. Pete, the rat the size of a cat that lives in our compost bin, has now decided to call the cup his home. The cups are only commercially compostable, and so require very specific conditions within an industrial composter to break down. The lining of these cups are made of PLA, which is essentially plastic made from plants. This may sound all well and good, but due to Wellington Council wanting their composts to be certified ~organic~, PLA is banned from all industrial compost sites in Wellington—the only site that accepts PLA-containing products is in Auckland. And so, unless you have the misfortune of living in Auckland, the containers of your lattes with caramel syrup are getting chucked in the landfill along with your ‘compostable’ bin liners. 

Capitalism: 0/5 stars

I’m sorry to those who, like myself, have used these products in a genuine effort to save the planet. If it makes you feel any better, the greenwashing of these products in order to get you to purchase them isn’t your fault, it’s our neo-liberal hellscapes supporting free-market capitalism. As evil as they are, the marketing people at these companies really do an incredible job at convincing conscious consumers that their products are actually environmentally friendly. All I can really say is, maybe stick to shitty old single-use plastic bags for your landfill, but just try and reduce what you’re throwing away.