DEAR AUNTY VIC #24
I have been seeing this guy casually, we’ve hung out sober a couple of times and then asked him if he wanted to get dinner sometime that week. He said, “Oh yeah, maybe,” and then ghosted me. What the fuck. I’m mortified. I feel so fucking stupid, embarrassed, and rejected. How do you handle rejection?
I’ll let you in on a little secret—every person on the planet has been rejected.
Whether it be from a job, a friendship group, a netball team, or by our fucking crush, it’s a universal experience; just a universal experience that, unfortunately, sucks.
For extra evidence, here’s my little rejection story. I had been friends with this guy for years, and we'd had our fair few romantic encounters: a couple of dates, and more recently, shared a memorable New Year's Eve together, complete with discussions about baby names and slow-dancing on the front lawn.
A week after that rom-com-esque New Year's Eve, I asked him if he wanted to grab a drink. He came up with a flimsy excuse to avoid meeting up *RED FLAG*. A few days later, I bumped into him at a festival. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to have a great time together, right? I mustered up the courage and asked if he wanted to hang out during the festival. His response, delivered directly to my face, was blunt and awkward, "Ugh... Nah, not really." I simultaneously wanted to hit him and flush myself down a festival portaloo.
To make matters more perplexing, a few weeks later, he attempted to message me as if nothing had ever happened, leaving me anxious, confused, and embarrassed. I had been rejected.
To be real with you, I could write a book listing all the times I’ve been rejected. No matter how many times I’ve been rejected, however, I’m still here: alive, with great friends around me, a roof over my head, buying expensive shoes I cannot afford, witnessing my grandma attempt to become an IG influencer, drinking gin and tonics, eating almond croissants, and cooing over my 15-year-old walking corpse of a dog (Sizzles, ILY forever, you are a legend). The point is, even after being rejected, life goes on and there’s plenty to be grateful for. You are still the same gorgeous person you always were. They simply were not into you. I promise you this will not ruin you forever.
Realistically, why the fuck would you want to be with someone who isn’t obssessed with you? Why would you want to be with someone who thinks it’s acceptable to ghost you? Why would you want to be with someone that thinks it's okay to string you along for years, reject you, and then pretend like nothing ever happened? The thing is, you don’t. The last person you need in your life is someone that thinks it’s okay to treat another person that badly.
Now, I am not saying that people who reject others are inherently shit people who should be burned at the stake. What I’m saying is that when you’re the rejected and not the rejecter, you need to take it seriously. It’s a big flashing sign that someone is not interested in entering your life, and therefore is not worth your time. Read the fucking sign and move on. You do not need someone in your life who does not want to be there.
I deal with rejection by being grateful for all the wonderful things that have not rejected me. Whether that be my dog, my Mum, my friends, my body. Remind yourself that you are an authentic, magnetic, and joyous person. It is a privilege to be in your life. If they are not wanting to be in your life— that is their loss. Let them leave.
“You are not a ‘maybe’. You are not a ‘not right now, but maybe one day’. You are worth fighting for. You are worth working for. You are not a ‘we’ll see’. You are a fuck yes. You are not meant to feel constantly anxious and confused about someone. You are meant to feel good and comfortable and secure. So whatever it is—lover, friend, person in your life—making you feel like a second thought or making you super anxious, let that shit go. There is someone out there so excited to make you feel like the first option.”
- Eli Rallo, TikTok Queen