Stranger At Home Podcast on Queer Identity in Aotearoa

Words By Alex Marincovich-Josey (he/him) and Gil Ostini (he/they)

Gil: When I was nineteen, a colleague told me that I didn’t need to be so defensive about queer justice because, and I quote, “you’re not in Australia anymore; it’s different here.” And I know—lots to unpack there. This could definitely just be a hit piece on cishet guys from Auckland who think it’s appropriate to tell a young trans, gay person that they’re too angry .

But what I’m especially thinking about is how one of the reasons I moved to Aotearoa was to explore my queerness. At first, it was super buzzy to be in a place where queer culture was so mainstream. Brisbane isn’t exactly a hotbed of raging conservatism, but it’s definitely not so overtly a place to run away and live your best gay life in.

Three years in and I still adore this city. But I firmly believe that you can love a place—can even be patriotic, quelle horreur—without being blind to its faults. I’ve found that Kiwis can be lowkey quite smug, especially about how they’re (we’re?) ‘not as bad as Australia.’ But all this really does is a) irritate Australians and b) shut down nuanced discussions about what belonging to a place means, or structural problems and individual responsibility.

And I reckon those are pretty valuable conversations to have: not relentlessly critical, either, but thoughtful, making space for other experiences, and maybe sometimes uncomfortable.

Alex: It was obvious growing up in Singapore that queerness was kept completely invisible. Officials couldn’t deny the existence of queer people but did their damn best to keep those issues well out of sight. It wasn’t until the last few years I lived there that a small, and carefully watched, movement began to spring up in the public eye, but LGBTQIA+ rights in Singapore have a long way to go. As an expat living there, I had no way to actively participate in those discussions, as non-citizens were essentially barred from attending public demonstrations.

So when I came to Aotearoa I had high expectations, and they were mostly meant. Its embarrassing, but I was shocked when I saw my first gay couple walking down town. How could they afford to be so public about it? It was like I had walked into a different century. But that shine wears off. And as we’ve seen over the last year in the response to banning conversion therapy, to trans athletes, and the coordinated attacks on once-safe havens, this country has a long way to go. We can’t afford to stay comfortable.

If you like this sort of rambling, somewhat intellectual chat about Aotearoa, and national identity, you should check out Stranger At Home, a Salient Podcast available on Spotify and anywhere you listen to your favourite shows.

Collage Illustrations by Enby Collective: Bella Maresca (they/them).