Smooth Brain Society and a Relationship Researcher Discuss Attachment Styles, Red Flags, and Love

Words by Sahir Hussain (he/him) and Olivia Webb (she/her)

As students, a lot of the information we consume is presented in ways which are hard to understand. To combat this, the Psych Society partnered up with Salient Podcasts to create Smooth Brain Society! It’s a podcast where we invite ‘wrinkly-brained’ (aka smart) individuals to talk about their field of expertise in ways which are easy to digest.

For the Lovesick Issue, we reached out to our Instagram followers for their questions about love and romantic relationships. We brought on relationship researcher Dr. Matt Hammond to answer them. 

One of the big questions we asked him was: why are we drawn to someone when we are not looking for love?

Here’s Matt’s answer:

What is amazing about love is that we don’t exactly know what happens when you fall in love. But when you fall in love, the biological process that is happening is like an explosion of hormones in your brain. Something triggers it. You see someone across a crowded room and you lock eyes with them. You’re Romeo and they’re Juliet. Your brain goes BOMFP and it is full of testosterone and estrogen. It is full of vasopressin and oxytocin. It is full of all of these different neurochemicals that change the ways that you are feeling. Maybe you feel excited or lustful and you want to be close to someone. 

At the same time, your brain is full of neurotransmitters like dopamine. Your adrenal system kicks off so your heartbeat will genuinely go faster. It's not a fake feeling when you fall in love. Your heartbeat is genuinely going faster, your skin is genuinely getting redder and more flushed because all of your blood vessels are dilating, and you’re extremely excited. The combination of these things means that when you fall in love, you are obsessed with someone. You go to bed, you are full of adrenaline, and you're not sleeping… (hehehe). Your entire hunger system is dampened down, and you're like “all I can think about is this person and I want to be close to them.” This is the vasopressin and oxytocin hormones which are bonding in-group/out-group type hormones. 

It can happen instantly and it can happen over time. So you could start a relationship, and after 7 months of dating be like BOOM, we’re in love. But also, if you believe what people say, then it can happen instantly. It’s different for everyone. The only thing we know is that being in love will ruin your day. Whatever you were planning to do that day… forget about it. The rest of your day, and maybe week or lifetime, is now changed.  It doesn’t matter what your goals were before, they are now different. Your motivation and what you want is completely different now. 

If you’re interested in hearing more, tune in to Smooth Brain Society on Spotify.