Rugby and Our Last Hoorah
Words by Normaan Mohammed (he/him)
Kia ora, it's been a while. Christ on a cracker, what is happening to rugby union!? After watching a string of losses copped by the All Blacks this year, we thought we might give our two cents (even though nobody asked).
It's fair to say the All Blacks losing a test series to the Irish on home soil for the first time in over a century, losing to the Springboks, losing to the Aussies, and losing to Argentina for the first time ever is the proverbial shit in every tried and true New Zealanders bowl of cornflakes. Although it's meant to point fingers to head coach Ian Foster, we believe he’s partially the reason—if he wasn't shit at his job, the ABs wouldn't be losing.
But ultimately we think it's the sport of rugby union itself that's to blame. It has become rather boring, uninteresting, and full of bullshit rules.
Gone are the days of fast-paced action and intensity, Nehe Milner-Skudder side-stepping the entire opposition into another universe, Ma'a Nonu breaking the line like he's been given whatever drugs Joseph Parker was selling with Manu Vatuvei that one time, or Piri Weepu coming in clutch at the 2011 World Cup.
We now bear witness to stoppages every five minutes, which ultimately makes an 80-minute game longer than the Lord of the Rings trilogy. All that extra time and Justin Marshall still sucks at commentating a rugby match. Pre and post match commentary is dead with out of touch and conservative punditry, it's almost like hearing David Seymour give a sporting opinion. The biggest pitfall is the new generation of complacent players resulting from mountains of past wins. Too many kicks, too many restarts, too much time not playing the game.
Norm's mum once had a 20-minute nap during an All Blacks game, only to wake up and realise she didn't miss a damn thing.
You're probably thinking to yourself, “the Warriors lose every week.” Well the All Blacks are too now, so same deal. Watch a game of rugby union then a game of league. We guarantee your eyes will be glued to the screen.
Rugby league has everything rugby union needs to be relevant again. Big hits, end-to-end action, no rolling mauls or constant scrum resets, players taken off straight away for HIA testing so it doesn't consume the run of play, some big unit running it straight to a poor fullback and folding him like a deckchair, and passion. No wonder the Warriors are winning the Telstra Premiership in 2023.
On a more serious note, this is the last article from us at TDSS, supplementing our final episode for the podcast simply titled ‘Over and Out’. The three of us have finished with our study at Te Herenga Waka, and with this comes retirement and farewell from the podcast scene. From putting boomers in the Hunger Games to mental health awareness, we have talked about it all and enjoyed every minute. We'd like to thank Fran, Matt, and the team at Salient for their help and undying support through the highs and lows, all our guests who chatted obscene amounts of shit with us, and everyone who has listened to our episodes.
Ngā mihi and go the fucking Warriors,