Issue 15: Conversations on Cannabis
Frankie Dale | she/her
Q: How do you deal with being ghosted?
Now, you may be surprised by this… but it's true—I’ve been ghosted before. The nervously checking your phone, random sweats, and that weird anxiety that starts in your stomach and results in insane behaviour and excuses as to why they haven’t text you back. Give it up Frankie—Thomas didn’t get lost on his bush walk, he posted on Instagram a photo of his dog this morning.
I once went on a date so great that I stayed over and we talked all night and fell asleep tangled in each other's arms, sober. We made plans to see each other two days from then, he wanted to go on a big walk up some mountain—I clearly had no interest in walking up a mountain but I'd do it for love, wouldn’t you?
The big day rolled around… by 2pm I considered texting him first, but wasn't too bothered. Besides, I'm doing my own thing today, my best friend has a UTI and I’m absolutely going to do my readings.
It's a tale as old as time: I caved, texted him, and never heard back. Not ever. Initially, I was a wreck. My sensitive brain was coming up with reasons as to why he had ghosted me. “He didn’t wanna see me because I told him I actually do appreciate Adam Sandler’s films” or “maybe my pubes were too long—I knew it.”
Honestly, we really need to start normalising how gross ghosting is. It’s not nice to leave people in the lurch, questioning their worth and wondering what part of them you didn't like. I’m no saint, but you already knew that. We’ve all ghosted before, it’s just the easier way out. To all the boys I’ve ghosted before, know that I’ve grown.
Let’s stop ghosting 101: A simple message like “I enjoyed the other night but i’m not sure I want to continue this further” IS SO FINE. That message goes a long way, believe me.
And lastly, if you're being ghosted it’s best you know they’re losers now, rather than in 6 months when they randomly stop replying and you're actually devo’d. Ghosting’s for the spineless—do better!
Q: How to tell people you're annoyed instead of saying ok?
I am the absolute master of the “its ok :)” vibe. To be passive seems a lot easier, or sometimes not even passive—letting it brush under the carpet also seems to do the trick, right?
As someone who hates confrontation but has a really short temper this has always been a problem for me. But I think there's something to be said for communicating in a calm and approachable way.
It’s so scary having to confront a close friend about something that’s upset you or simply annoyed you. My advice to this is, choose your battles wisely and always approach it with poise. I mean, if this is your friend or partner—you love them and two wrongs don’t make a right. Don't be irrationally angry, and definitely sleep on it. If you still feel annoyed or hurt the next day, then confront the issue because there's nothing worse than when being annoyed turns into resentfulness.
I think people are scared to confront issues in fear of being gaslit and/or receiving the most cursed message ever “i'M SoRry yOu fEel thAt waY”
If you do happen to get that reply, the problem in your relationship may be a whole lot deeper than we thought and we need to take necessary action, and quick. Your feelings should be validated in some way or simply understood. As long as you're open, calm, and not unreasonably aggressive, then the person you’re confronting should accept they've made you feel some type of way.
Draft out a message, get your mum or lecturer to go over it and send it. Say no to bottled up anger.