He Maonga Āwhā

We’ve all been there. There are butterflies in your puku, and the ‘good morning’ messages are hitting different. If you’re like me, you’ll then do a quick whakapapa search to avoid any future meet ups at whānau reunions or orders from aunty to “give your cousin a kiss” (she doesn’t need to know you’ve already given him lots of kisses on the Siglo balcony). Finally, the ‘what are we?’ conversations that, if all goes well, will find you changing your FB status from ‘single’ to ‘in a relationship’. Yayurrrr!

Now the fun starts. Meeting the family, date nights, holidays away, and a permanent booty call for whenever you need a #DoseOfTheD. Slay! You’re learning about yourself, and you’re learning about the person you’re with and getting to know their world. Most of all, you’re learning about the depths love can take you.

Suddenly, your bed covers are soaked in your tears, the ngākau and māhunga hurting. No appetite, no movement, no sleep, no single emotion lasting for longer than 30 seconds before you jump to anger. Wait no, sadness! Wait no, relief? Shit, now we’re back to anger. Your first heartbreak. Not so slay. Once again, you’re learning about yourself, learning about the person you were with, and learning about the depths of love.

Now you’re jumping on the grief journey, paddling a waka that you don’t want to be on to a destination that you can’t see, trusting that it’s better than the one you’re leaving behind. Is there a way to get your waka to shore any quicker? How can you make the grief journey more bearable? What do you do with this leftover mamae?

To be completely honest with you, I don’t have the answer. Noone ever will, because there’s not a one-size-fits-all solution. Whether it’s a hoe phase, an experimental phase (I see y’all kissing the homies at rezzys. *side eye*), or even if it’s your single-and-not-ready-to-mingle era—kei te pai! Life is a game of trial and error.

But a path that will never fail you is finding your people and leaning on your village. They’ll teach you more about yourself, the person you are, and your world. Most importantly,  you’ll see, feel, and learn about the depths of love they have for you. They’ll lay down the whāriki for you to rest on, holding the four corners of your whāriki to Papatūānuku and keeping your foundations grounded until you’re ready to stand up again. Trust that when you stand up again, that post-breakup glow up is *chefs kiss*.

There’s no right way to paddle this waka, just as long as you keep paddling. Because, at the end of the day, you deserve a life that’s full and happy. You might be forever changed because of your experiences, but not forever tainted. Anything that escapes you wasn’t meant to be on your journey any longer than it already was. When you’re surrounded by your village, your people, your family and friends, you’ll realise that soulmates aren’t limited to romance. Maybe a soulmate is a friend too (or a cousin, but not the type that you kiss on the Siglo balcony xx).

Aroha tino nui,

Whakaahurangi <3