OPINION: Seeking Justice for my Emotional Support Halloumi Wrap

The LAB’s halloumi wrap was, on some days, the only reason I came to uni. I dragged myself to 9 a.m. lectures, knowing that since my disorganised ass hadn’t made lunch, my beloved halloumi wrap awaited me. At $10, it was a spicy price, but I was willing to pay for the mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical support the halloumi wrap gave me. One bite into that delicious, salted, cheesy goodness mixed in with seasonal vegetables, beans, and that beautiful aioli sauce and I was insatiable. 

Imagine my reaction when, heading to buy my favourite emotional support little lunchtime treat, I saw my dearest halloumi wrap was replaced with FALAFEL. Falafel. The poor vegetarians’ lunchtime protein. I was outraged. Scandalised, if you will. I lost sleep over it. What had caused The LAB to cheat out on their premier wraps with falafel? 

The Kelburn LAB general manager, Mamani, said they “seasonally change their ingredients”, but that ultimately, their food is delivered pre-made from the kitchen. I felt squandered in my quest for halloumi justice. 

While The LAB might argue this is simply a seasonal change, I suspect something sinister is afoot. This seems to me a cost-saving, taste-sacrificing change, without reduction of the $10 price—scraping out more for less from students’ pockets. Two-hundred grams of Mainland halloumi cheese from Countdown is $7.50, while 400g of Lisa’s falafel mix from Countdown is $6.10. 

I did try the dreaded falafel wrap in the interests of balanced journalism. I found a disgruntled, grainy taste, nothing like the filling, salty, cheesy deliciousness that provided respite to my study woes. I could not justify this change by taste. 

The price difference, however, is staggering. Clearly, The LAB is trying to rob me of my joy and my money. I took to Instagram, asking Salient’s followers if they too had been personally affected by the removal of the halloumi wrap from The LAB’s shelves. I was humbled: 74% of respondents said, “idc, the lab is too expensive anyway”. 

Thankfully, only 3% said that falafel is better. If that was you, I now have a personal grievance with you. Meet me in the carpark at midnight—the supreme lunchtime ruler, halloumi or falafel, wins.