Headline Junkie: 29 May 23'

Billie Eilish Calls it Quits on Controversial Relationship

‘Bad Guy’ singer Billie Eilish Pirate Baird O'Connell has split with her rock-star partner Jesse Rutherford. The musical mates were first spotted together late last year to the dismay of fans who dubbed the rumoured relationship “predatory” and “really strange”. There is a 10-year age gap between the two of them. Eilish (21) and Rutherford (31) confirmed the relationship by trolling criticism, sporting a couples halloween costume wherein Eilish dressed as a baby and Rutherford as an old man. Fucking hell. Fans have now been put out of their misery after a spokesperson for Eilish confirmed the uncomfy relationship is no longer. “We can confirm Billie and Jesse did split amicably and remain good friends,” the statement read. 

Wellington Man Headbutts Bus Windscreen, Gets Arrested

A bus sitting stationary on Norana Road in Upper Hutt was the victim of a violent attack last week after a man headbutted the front window, causing it to smash and concave. A photo of the damage posted to Twitter shows a large circular indentation square in the middle of the Metlink bus windscreen. The alleged bus headbutter was arrested and taken into custody and the matter is now before the courts. The motive for damaging a bus in such a way is currently unknown, but has left social media users confused. One tweeter said, “what would possess you to headbutt a bus?!” Another added, “my brother in christ, how strong is your head?” 

Vic Uni Wifi Shit

Students are still struggling with wifi issues across all three campuses and in halls of residence, reporting that connection fails for long periods of time and is inconsistent throughout the day. Kelly*, a third-year student, said, “The internet is always shitty, but [recently it] was the cherry on top of the shit pudding. Maybe the university could cut a few cents off the Vice Chancellor’s salary to actually invest in a reliable network.” Another student, Jacqueline*, said, “Their wifi just fucking sucks, [...] but lowkey it’s kinda slayed because then I have an excuse to stop doing my work.” Earlier this month, the university stated that a “faulty component” within the network was the issue and they were working on getting it fixed. It is unknown when the wifi debacle may be resolved.

*names have been changed

Vic Triplets Graduate Law Together 

Identical triplets Cale, Max, and Jackson Tu'inukuafe graduated together with Law degrees from Te Herenga Waka–Victoria University of Wellington two weeks ago. The trio, who moved from Auckland to Pōneke for university, said, "It's a really proud feeling that we can represent our Tongan heritage and hopefully encourage young Pasifika to pursue a tertiary degree." Middle brother Max said the brothers are “constantly grinding to get on top of each other, but at the end of the day, all end up being pretty even”.