Headline Junkie: 10 July '23

Australia Prescribes Magic Mushrooms and MDMA for Mental Health Treatment 

Australia is officially the first country in the world to legalise psychedelics as prescription medicine to treat mental health conditions. Psychiatrists will now be able to prescribe MDMA to PTSD sufferers, and magic mushrooms to help aid those suffering with certain kinds of depression. Though the move is seen as progressive by many people across the globe, the decision does not come without pushback. A Melbourne cognitive neuropsychologist, Professor Susan Rossel, questions the speed of the drugs’ appearance in the market, claiming no other drug for any other disease would have become available as quickly as the psychedelics. Other experts have expressed concerns over the risks of ‘bad trips’, and the potential cost of treatments. But many scientists and mental health experts see this as a massive move towards mental health rehabilitation. 

White Substance at White House Tests Positive as Cocaine

A mass evacuation of the White House was incited after a mysterious white powder was discovered in a secure building. The fire department quickly declared the substance as ‘non-hazardous’. It was found in a storage area frequently used by workers that undergoes regular inspections. The powder was sent off for testing and quickly confirmed as cocaine. Salinet readers will be relieved to hear that President Joe Biden was far from the illegal drug, safely away with his family when the cocaine was found. The Secret Service are searching for the snorting culprit. 

Kim Jong Un Doesn’t Get The Memo About Salient’s ‘Cupid’ Issue

North Korea has announced a crackdown on any language that could be associated with South Korea, particularly any words or slang to do with love. Any person caught using such language could face time in prison, or even the death sentence. Wives must opt for the word dongji (comrade), over jagiya (honey), which has allerted many to the situation’s striking resemblance to George Orwell’s novel 1984. The phrase ‘I love you’ has been reported as an indication of North Koreans watching South Korean films, another action punishable by death. Safe to say Kim Jong Un’s love language is not words of affirmation.

Colleen Ballinger Releases New Single Amid Allegations of Inappropriate Relationships with Children.

CW: Sexual Harassment. 

Youtuber Colleen Ballinger (Miranda Sings) has released the new ukulele single ‘hi’ in response to allegations of inappropriate relationships with young fans, singing,
“I’m not a groomer / just a loser”. Screenshots from a group chat named ‘Colleeny’s Weenies’ showcased the YouTuber’s inappropriate correspondence with underage members. This included asking them questions about sex, sharing information about her own sex life, and distributing pornography from fellow YouTuber Trisha Paytas’ onlyfans. Ballinger shocked the world with her response video, as she sang about a “toxic gossip train”, dismissing the allegations as rumours whilst simultaneously confirming the truth of the accusations. Despite being “strongly advised [not to] say what [she wanted] to say” by her team, Ballinger found a loophole claiming “that they never said I couldn't sing what I wanted to say”. The video has been dubbed by many as the worst YouTuber response video of all time.