Maintaining Your Wellbeing While in a Relationship
Words by Cileme Venkateswar (she/her)
For all the endless rom coms about the perils of dating in your 20s, it’s also true that dating, crushes, and being in relationships can be some of the most exciting and rewarding parts of your adult life. There’s so much to learn from romance. Whether that’s about yourself, about the kind of people you like having around, or just for great party stories about disastrous dating tribulations.
What nobody seems to warn you about dating at this stage of your life is the difficulty in balancing student struggles, nurturing your own growth and wellbeing, and healthy dating experiences. When who you are is changing and evolving so quickly, it’s easy to lose yourself in the enamoured, exciting messiness of dating. It’s never going to be smooth sailing all the time, but it’s worth fortifying your own wellbeing needs before venturing out into the turbulent seas of dating.
Every relationship comes with their own unique circumstances to steer through. My trusty Instagram followers pulled through with advice from their own experiences on how to maintain individual wellbeing whilst in a relationship.
The biggest piece of advice is hobbies. Trust me, I get it, easier said than done at uni. But investing in hobbies gives you a reprieve from study. They are vital in developing a strong sense of self. Social sports, embroidery, gymming, learning a language, even watching Love Island with your flatmates – hobbies make you you. They’re your signposts that guide you back in the direction of who you are when you’re a little lost. It’s so tempting to share every part of yourself and your life with your significant other, but keep some things just yours. Hobbies also make the things you do share together more special!
The honeymoon period is real, and we all know it. Those initial months getting to know someone you’re dating and being disgustingly obsessed with each other are inevitable. But it’s important you aren’t distanced from friends and family in favour of your significant other. Boundaries are crucial and they strengthen any relationship. Communicate boundaries from the outset, including what friendships each of you want to maintain individually. This will ensure you both have people in your corner who aren’t caught in a complicated in-between if the relationship gets messy.
Although it might not be welcome, another key wellbeing tip I would impart to anyone is: consider when a relationship needs to come to an end. Why are you with your partner? Do you share interests, values, or passions? Are you friends with each other? If things you do together aren’t things you would do on your own or with friends, there may be little foundation for a strong, long-term relationship.
Any relationship – long or short, platonic or romantic (excluding abusive situations) – is always a chance for growth and connection. It is worth the experience and learning from one another. Sometimes you keep learning from each other your whole lives. Sometimes it’s only for a little while, but that’s not a failure on anyone’s part. People come and go. If they play a part in shaping who you are, they’ll always stay with you in one way or another.