Horoscope #17

Aries: You already know that you’re overworked and underpaid. You don’t need me to tell you that, but what I can add to the conversation is the knowledge that the stars want your bad work-life balance to change!

Taurus: This shitty weather’s made it really easy for you to stay home and zoom lectures, but now you’re slacking off! I realise I write horoscopes and not weather reports, but clouds and stars are both in the sky, right?

Gemini: Your ruling planet Mercury is in Virgo and, my god, does Mercury like being in Virgo. You have your shit together this week. Who knew you were an A student who’s always on time? Not you, that’s for sure.

Cancer: Somebody’s just learnt the term ‘babywitch’. You’re scrolling witchtok and carrying citrine around in your wallet. I bet you skipped right to the end of Salient to read your horoscope this week, didn’t you?

Leo: Aren’t you sick of the pressure to be oh-so-alternative 100% of the time? Like, maybe sometimes you actually enjoy the stuff everyone calls ‘basic’. There’s no authenticity in choosing your interests based on how alty they are...

Virgo: As Gemini may have told you, Mercury is in Virgo! Woohoo! With no retrograde in sight, you’re safe to sit back and watch everything you planned, go to plan. No catch, just a good week.

Libra: 4 oppose 10. With Venus in the fourth, it’s time for a room redo. Change out the Polaroid wall and add some posters - maybe a Salient insert ;) - and create an aesthetic place for yourself.

Scorpio: The trine between Mars and Pluto have major “suddenly falling in love with your best friend” vibes, which isn’t what you’d expect from those planets, but you’re a Scorpio so the rules are different.

Sagittarius: Somebody from your past wants to be back in contact with you. This could be something sweet, like an old primary school friend messaging you, or something not sweet, like an ex hitting you up. Gross.

Capricorn: Now Capricorn, I understand that uni is a big campus with lots of pretty people to talk to, but let’s make sure we’re not leading anybody on or hurting anybody’s feelings, okay?

Aquarius: If you’ve been thinking about trying something new recently, but you’re worried other people will think you’re weird, it’s time to get over it. Besides, you’re an Aquarius; everyone knows you’re a bit odd anyway.

Pisces: Nothing crazy is happening in your astrology this week, so I thought I’d take the opportunity to tell you how much everyone loves you, Pisces (you might even be my favourite, don’t tell the others).