A Girl(ish)’s Guide to Gay Awakenings
Words by Pip Cov (she/they; Ngāti Tūwharetoa, Ngāi Tahu, Ngāti Raukawa)
It’s a Saturday evening, you’re 13-years-old, and your dad puts Bend It Like Beckham on TV. He likes football, you’re a teenage girl, and someone needed to make a decision for movie night. Flash forward 112 minutes later, and Keira Knightley in a football uniform has brought you to the realisation that you may, in fact, be gay. What follows is a period of fairly confusing years full of new feelings, awkward interactions, and 100 ‘Am I Gay?’ quizzes. Amidst these years, I found solace in the pockets of queer joy that unintentionally queer-coded films provided. In an attempt to remember these quiet crushes and long standing obsessions, I’ve compiled a list of my top films that confirmed my queer identity.
Bend It Like Beckham (2002, directed by Gurinder Chadha)
Discussing queer awakenings with girl-friends and girlfriends has almost always elicited the same response: Bend It Like Beckham. However, when it comes to unintentional queer awakenings, then I debate if this film should really top the list. I mean, who gives Keira Knightley that haircut and scripts that level of tension and gay pining between the two female leads without queer intention? If you’re after some pure nostalgia and the gayest love story that was never actually told, this is the film for you.
She’s The Man (2006, directed by Andy Fickman)
The age old question of ‘do I want to be her or be with her?’ takes itself to new levels in She’s The Man. This gender-bending comedy was simultaneously brilliant and deeply confusing to watch as a gay tween trying to work out where they belonged on the spectrum of gender, and for that reason it will always remain a classic. This film created a visceral response, leaving me with a serious desire to become a teenage boy by glueing on some crappy sideburns, adopting their swagger, and going and flirting with girls in a restaurant.
Labyrinth (1986, directed by Jim Henson)
It would be a disservice to discuss queer awakenings without mentioning the one and only David Bowie trotting around in tight, grey pants singing about magic. By the time my mum sat me in front of Labyrinth to further my ‘film education’, I already had a sense of my own queer existence, and the unapologetic sense of gender fluidity within this film only strengthened this. Searching for a film that pairs impenitent queerness with magic and goblins? Look no further!
Pirates of the Caribbean (2003-2007, directed by Gore Verbinski)
Last but by no means least, a list like this would be incomplete without reference to Pirates of the Caribbean. Ask pretty much any queer individual you know, and they’ll have some sort of deep history with Elizabeth Swann. Trust me. Upon first watch, I thought I just loved these films for the plot. However, by the sixth rewatch, it clicked that it might be more about Keira Knightley in a pirate costume possessing all the confidence and wit of 100 men combined. Watch these if you want to be entertained whilst also hardcore crushing.