What’s the bloody big deal? Conversations on Period Sex
Frankie Dale (she/her)
The thing is, you guys, there is quite literally nothing sexier than having sex with someone who isn’t afraid of your body and all the ‘grossness’ it has to offer. I’m not about to swallow a heaped tablespoon of semen if you won’t even consider smanging on my period. The stuff that comes out of our bodies isn’t gross—it’s fucking hot.
Seriously, the best sexual partners should be completely willing to bone on your period; better yet, they should make you feel sexy as fuck for it.
Firstly, I understand that period sex may be daunting for some. By all means if the sight of blood alone makes you queasy, maybe don’t read on. We all have a different perspective on the matter of riding the crimson tide. But, please don’t rule out period sex just because you think its gross; lets unpack it a bit first.
When my ex-boyfriend was pretending not to be a misogynistic cunt, he voluntarily suggested we have sex on my period—he’s the best! After he came, and I lay there completely unsatisfied for the 300th time, he said his dick looked like someone had poured motor oil all over it; super sexy.
His attempt at trying to shame me didn’t work. As he continued to make barfing sounds and make jokes about the millilitre of blood I secreted onto his dick, I came to the realisation that period sex is fucking iconic and no one can tell me otherwise.
So, how do we broach what can be considered a taboo subject?
Recently, I was talking to a perfect stranger about period sex. The other day she had mustered up the courage to message the guy she is casually seeing to come over. Much to her frustration, she got her period that day. As our society overtly hates women, she was afraid to tell him in fear he wouldn’t want to come over. “My period was so light, he didn’t even notice”.
Still, the fact that she felt it was easier to hide this says so much about the taboo of period sex. Interestingly, research from the 2021 Sexuality & Culture Journal (“Just Put a Towel Down:” Approaching Conversations About Period Sex with an Intimate Partner) has shown that men and women in committed relationships are willing to engage in period sex with no apparent feelings of disgust. But, for young cis-gendered women in non-committed relationships, the feelings are quite the opposite. The fear of having period sex with casual partners comes from a place of being insecure about our sexuality and our functioning bodies; something we’ve been told to hide. So, what’s the catch here?
Is it a product of the social taboo surrounding periods in general that makes the idea of period sex ‘censored’ by a large measure of society? Or is it merely the people that we are choosing to sleep with?
Period sex isn’t just all about the people we sleep with, it’s obviously got a fair bit to do with how women feel about it, and how to feel comfortable and sexy whilst getting freaky. The fact of the matter is that being on your period rarely makes you feel like Gwen Stefani on Adderall. Sometimes we feel fucked up and grumpy, and are capable of eating a whole pack of beef mince, unseasoned and hardly cooked. My point is, it’s easy to not feel sexy as fuck on your period. “It sucks because I’m the horniest I’ll ever be on my period - all I want is to fuck but I’m scared I’ll gross him out” my friend told me last week as she had a hot water bottle placed over her stomach and ice cubes over her nipples to stop the swelling.
I chatted to a few students to get a vibe for the general consensus on period sex. Surprisingly, most people aren’t grossed out by period sex after all—result! I got a lot of different perspectives. A few people didn’t feel comfortable speaking about it at all, and that was okay too.
I spoke to a studious group of boys sitting in The Hub who looked like they might have bullied me in high school: “I’ve done it before but she wasn't heavy ‘perioding’, it was way more slippery; it was sick” and “It’s just like normal sex I guess, you just probably shouldn’t go down on them, right?” I guess you should never judge a book by its cover, yeah?
I then approached a group of girls who were extremely accommodating to my awkward energy. “If someone was to care I’d be like fuck you”; “If you can’t be having sex with a girl on her period maybe you shouldn’t be having sex in general”.
One person said, “I have nothing against it, but to me my period is gross so I probably wouldn’t want to engage in that”. Similarly, another person said, “my period is miserable, I don’t really want to relate sex to something so miserable”.
Some people had tips for making it more comfortable, like not doing certain positions that might make more of a mess.
Lastly, I was totally humbalised when my flatmate candidly said “Frankie bro, I don’t care—it’s not even a thing”.
It seems the key to period sex is to feel comfortable, sexy and have a plan of how to not make your bed look like a cold case files episode. The amount of times I have feigned bewilderment to my sheets being bright red is just embarrassing; I've had to literally train myself to being honest about having my period. It’s time to absolutely cull this notion that period sex is taboo.
Let’s not get too graphic here, but, period sex isn’t actually all that messy, and its not going to look like a crime scene. Firstly, gravity is our friend here; lets maybe stick with positions like missionary and spooning. In saying that, I am in no position to take away being on top from you—just put another towel down. Secondly, your period is literally natures lubricant, which is just going to lead to better sex for everyone involved. Thirdly, period sex alleviates cramps and boosts your mood (apparently). Also, this is a really good time to test you and your partners communication skills. Why not throw the idea of a threesome in there?
Like I said, everyone has their own standpoint, and I'm not about to bloody judge you for being a little wary to come to the dark side. In saying this, if your only reason is because it’s ‘gross’ or ‘unhygienic’ I have a couple stories about smegma I'd love to yarn with you about. Period sex should not be a concept that makes you feel self conscious; we have to work at destigmatising this ‘taboo’ subject, because it’s honestly kinda boring and I’m genuinely not sure why it’s still in discussion. The bigger picture is that being grossed out by period sex is a problem; dont have it, have it—I don’t really care. My point is that none of those who bleed should ever feel insecure about talking with their partner about it. Let’s be open and honest about our fucking bodies—it’s really just a bit of blood.