Coming of Age Looks Different to Everyone
Between the ages of 12 and 15, I was a misogynist. I’ve tried phrasing that in a more digestible way, but there’s no sugar-coating the truth.
It started in intermediate, when gender roles and puberty onset created new differences between boys and girls. My adolescent brain reframed my girl friends as ‘competition’ but also as ‘other.’ I didn’t allow myself to feel valid in my femininity; girly things were to be ridiculed and scoffed at. I was quick to label women ‘sluts’ and ‘whores’ simply for having bodies I was jealous of and clothes I did not have the confidence to wear. I lived for the male gaze, to garner male validation that confirmed I was not, in fact, like the other girls.
My vendetta against women peaked in my Year 10 English class, where I wrote a speech defending men’s rights and delivered it with the passion of a slam poem. I’ve buried the memory deep in my psyche, but when it bubbles to the surface, I physically cringe. My internalised misogyny was rampant, but unfounded.
For me, coming of age was about learning and unlearning and relearning. Learning what feminism was, unlearning white feminism, relearning intersectional feminism. While we all push forward to progress with our feminism, I also value looking back to see how far I’ve come. My current relationship to womanhood is foundational to my identity, and I value it because I know how long it took me to get here.
This process of unlearning might not take as long for today’s teenagers. I recently heard from a girl currently attending my old high school, who was a Year 9 when I was a Year 13. When I asked my Instagram followers what their hot takes were, she popped off. “The term ‘girlboss’ is problematic. It infantilizes the role of a female as a boss”, she announced, with a thumbs down emoji at the end for effect. So yes, when I ask you if the kids are alright, you may point out how they vape in the bathrooms at school and record TikToks when they should be doing homework. But the kids are getting better at feminism, and I’m happy to call that a win.
This issue discusses the different ways we come of age and the lessons we learned.
Joanna comes of age through her relationship with her mother. Felicia comes of age through rituals and routines. Dylan comes of age alongside his favourite anime director. Lily comes of age by becoming a parent herself. Daisy comes of age by watching coming-of-age films.
This week, we at Salient want to know: Are the kids alright?
Ngā manaakitanga,