What Stereotypical Wellington Flat Are You?
Words by Janhavi Gosavi (she/her)
How would you best describe your bedroom?
The state of the art gaming equipment distracts visitors from the black mould
A soothing colour palette with matching furniture
A single bed next to a growing wall of Garage Project cans
Organised, comfy, with a scented candle on your bedside table
Craft projects cover the walls and there's a crocheted blanket on your bed
You get to contribute one piece of wall decor to the living room. Is it…
A stolen road sign
A Kmart poster with a quote on it
A Salient centrefold
A frame with your degree in it
A piece of art from a local creative
What kind of flatmate are you?
The one that never makes any real food
The flat mum
The social butterfly
The flat administrator
The flat dad
Your flatmates are throwing a party. You are…
Parked up on a couch with a box of Billy Mavs
Hopping on the aux to play “Toxic” by Britney Spears
In the middle of the madness
Trying to find a wine glass for your vino because you refuse to lip it
Having a DMC with a stranger by the recycling bin
It's your turn to wash the dishes. What are your weapons of choice?
A manky ball of steel wool that has bits of egg stuck in it
A brand new Scotch-Brite
Your own god-given hands
A dishwasher that actually works
An eco-friendly bamboo dish brush
The flat has decided to have a group outing. You suggest…
A hike up Tangi-te-keo (Mt Vic)
A bar that’s doing two for one cocktails
A BYO restaurant
A drive up to Castlepoint
A wander around the Wellington Art Gallery
Mostly As: The Dude Bro Man Cave
Characterised by the echo of lo-fi beats and the stench of mid-range cologne, this is a flat where you’re free to be your most authentic self. You pee with the door open and may even scrunch—not fold—your toilet paper. While half the drawer handles are missing and rats have nibbled on the carpet, one thing will always remain intact—your love for the boys. Brotherhood gets your flat through the dampest winters and the muggiest summers. But living with your brethren can have its downfalls and you haven’t gotten any action in ages.
Mostly Bs: The Basic Bitch Flat
Welcome to the kiwi budget-version of a sorority, where your flatties are your sisters. Just like the girlies, you love going out for mid-week drinks and getting tons of sample products from Mecca that are otherwise wayyy out of your price range. You can fit all your uni essentials in a tote bag, and there’s a communal pile of them in the hallway. Your dining room table is covered with a tangled web of MacBook chargers but you can always tell yours apart because it's decorated with Olivia Rodrigo-style stickers.
Mostly Cs: The Party Flat
Yee-fucking-haw! After spending the week slogging away at assignments, you come alive in the night time. There are LED strip lights in every room and spare towels underneath the bathroom sink for when a guest inevitably spews. Your neighbours have grown weary of filing noise complaints but your friends love you for your wild ways. But make no mistake, this is a flat of hustlers, not slackers. One of your flatmates probably hosts a podcast, another one almost definitely invests in the stock market. The best thing about this flat is that you know how to work hard and party harder.
Mostly Ds: The Yo-Pro Apartment
Imma keep it real—this apartment is less of a home and more of a house. Everyone living here is a successful busybody who's on that 40hr/week grind. You and your flatmates mainly just engage in small talk and discuss flat admin in your group chat, but you’re fine with that! You’re a private person who has about three best friends and a sea of acquaintances. On the bright side, it means you get to invest lots of energy into your close relationships. If your best mate needs a clean and vacuumed floor to roll around and cry on, your apartment is their go-to.
Mostly Es: The Haven of Arts n Crafts
DIY is well and truly in your DNA. You’ve managed to turn your shitty flat into a museum of creative projects made from recycled materials. The cracks in your walls are hidden by collages and you’ve painted a funny face on the bucket that catches the leaks in your ceiling. Your flat loves cooking together and breaking bread over a good board game. You're big on supporting small local businesses and composting. There is also an 87% chance that 78% of you are queer.