The Adams Family
Will Eland | They/Them
4/5 STARS
This whole issue is about how we should dunk on eco-fascists. I’m very in favour of this take, as someone with disabilities who would like to survive this pandemic and not die for the ‘greater good’. This is why my review this week is of my Countdown delivery drivers.
I don’t know any of their actual names, as our interactions pre-pandemic consisted of them handing me very heavy bags of rice and watching me nervously. Now they consist of us waving through the kitchen window at each other. They shall, therefore, all be named Adam.
Each Adam will be rated according to my highly scientific and well thought out criteria:
How they delivered the bags
Did they warn me about heavy things/eggs
Niceties
Vibes
Before we rate our Adams, I would first like to rate the general concept of Countdown grocery delivery.
As someone who cannot drive, and finds it difficult to carry a week’s worth of food for the twenty minute walk between the train station and my house, I am very grateful to have my shopping brought to me (most of the time). I can go online, get all the food I want and order delivery for the next morning. The time slots are, in my opinion, far too big (on average about 21/2 to 3 hours) but they do give the option to text you when it’s nearly at your house. Though, the timing of that text has been questionable. I have received the warning text 45 minutes before my shopping as well as ten minutes after. The price is decent, as my flat banded together and bought the “delivery saver” for six months to get free delivery. There’s some maths that someone should work out but we paid about $20 per month through the delivery saver, when each week we would have to pay $13 for delivery. All in all, the service is good but could do with some tweaks. 4/5
Adam #1: my first delivery driver. Old, very sweet. Gently handed me my groceries, told me what each bag had, warned me about heavy items. Honestly seemed to care about my flatmates and I. 5/5
Adam #2: this dude was literally from my partner’s primary school. Was very weird for him to give me groceries. Just left them on the doorstep and basically ran. Luckily we’ve only had him once. 2/5
Adam #3: I don’t know what was up with this dude but he liked to place the bags on the doorstep as I reached for them, and then watch me bring them in. Don’t know if the careful watching was out of concern for my strength or because he… wanted to? Otherwise nice to interact with. 3/5
Adam #4: the pandemic begins. It’s been several weeks since I was able to get groceries delivered, due to everyone else in the country wanting to do the exact same thing as me. I cannot rate him on the bag-handing-over etiquette due to the whole social distancing thing, but he did place them neatly on the porch and waved at me. 4/5
Adam #5: we’re in deep lockdown now. This Adam looks through my kitchen window, flustered. It’s 7.40pm and I believe we’re the last house on his list. I feel sorry for this Adam. He hurries down my garden path, lit from behind by the lights of his truck’s brake lights. In his arms, he brings me the goods I never thought I’d see again: pasta, flour, tinned tomatoes. Our eyes lock through the window. I smile and wave, he nods his head solemnly. After he unloads my groceries he leaves again, into the darkness of a winter night.
I need to see more people. 5/5