Hall Food: Is It Better Than Instant Noodles?

Azaria Howell | She/Her

Copious amounts of alcohol and mi goreng packets passed through the entrance of the Victoria University
halls this week. A week of meeting new friends, making togas out of dollar store sheets, and walking up the dreadful hill to Kelburn Campus was sure to give us freshers a serious appetite.

With the rumours from last year about maggots in KJ Hall dinners and students opting for the $8 pizza down the road instead of braving what the halls had to offer, it’s safe to say my expectations for the food were low. Despite having nearly the same vocabulary range, I’m not Gordon Ramsay. I’m really not picky about what’s on my plate. However, a nearly $18k rent would hopefully come with some more than subpar meals, right?

After unpacking everything and awkwardly introducing myself to everyone on my floor, it was time to head down to the dining hall.

I was pleasantly surprised at what my hall had to offer on day one. The ham was cooked to perfection. Green beans, which on first glance looked like they’d be the consistency of gum, were honestly incredible, and a spicy mix of chickpeas and roasted vegetables left me wanting to go back to seconds. However, just like yin and yang, dinner on day one needed a balance of good and evil. It wasn’t without its flaws.

The potatoes seemed to be untouched on everyone’s plates on day one. Once I cut into them, I was met with an abyss of dark grey. Hall food gives off a theme of mystery; you never know what to expect—and I had definitely never seen a potato look like that before. Once I overcame the challenge of the grey mush, another roadblock preventing a 5-star meal revealed itself. A familiar blend of carrots, peas, and corn was available for us to take. In the name of journalism, I put a sizable pile on my plate, even though I knew it would be displeasing... It's safe to say my expectations were met. Granted, the vegetable mix (although it would be insulting to vegetables to call it that) was only familiar due to it being used as a makeshift ice pack during my childhood. Sadly, instead of putting it on a bruise or a sprained ankle, I had to go through the trouble of eating the lukewarm mess.

Breakfast the next day was average, almost enough to make me reach for the noodles and Doritos living amongst my desk drawers. A concoction of fruit that was clearly from a tin proved to be the opposite of a hangover cure and something I'd expect to find at an overpriced self-catered flat, not an overpriced catered hall.

A sandwich with cheese, ham, and relish as well as an apple were given to students for lunch and proved to be another average meal. However, our meals app stated that pizza was on the menu, so the absence of pizza covered in cheese and the presence of sandwiches covered in plastic left more to be desired.

Following the relative success of dinner on the first night, I was more than ready to see what day two had to offer in the dining hall. The teriyaki chicken mince we were served would have been a mystery meat without the sign above it. Despite the meat looking as if it were a new type of Pedigree dog food being tested on humans, it tasted amazing. This could, however, be an issue of concern, as it may mean I am in fact a dog. Dinner was a hands-on experience, as the meat amongst weak tortillas leaked everywhere, and had the cleaners working overtime with a lot to mop up.

Overall, my experience with hall food has so far been surprisingly positive, leaving me suspicious for future meals to come. I haven't yet made a dent in my instant noodle stash, but it is no doubt coming in the foreseeable future.