Caramel Slice Review

Words by Daisey Vahey (she/her)

I’m big on giving back to the community, especially when the community is filled with caramel slices that I have been asked to review and rank. Therefore, I consider it my civic duty, a public service, to let you all know which places to hit and which to skip when it comes to the unparalleled delight that is a caramel slice.

Location: Enigma Cafe

Cost: $8

Size: She’s a mammoth.

Chocolate/Caramel/Base Ratio: 1:5:1

Slice-ability: Felt like I was in the mines trying to break a bit off of this one.

Overall: Any caramel lover who is able to overlook incredible mediocrity in all areas and only cares about the amount of the sweet stuff they get, this could be for you?

Location: The Lab (Kelburn Campus)

Cost: $5.50

Size: Long and strong.

Chocolate/Caramel/Base Ratio: 1:1 (doesn’t pass the three element rule but this location is a student staple).

Slice-ability: Decent, due to lack of chocolate top. Dry base though, no soggy bottoms here.

Overall: The word salt on the name tag implied I would get a little oomph and yet there was no salt to be found. Loads of quality caramel, though, and a better than decent overall taste.

Location: Louis’ (Kelburn Campus)

Cost: $5

Size: The classic triangle.

Chocolate/Caramel/Base Ratio: 1:1:1

Slice-ability: A bloody dream to stick a fork into.

Overall: Must have nicked The Lab’s salt because there was a wonderful almost-flapjack element to this thing. And this may feel like a supremely idiotic thing to say, but this thing was practically caramelised! Classic in look, elite in taste.

Location: Aro Cafe

Cost: $5

Size: Film bro major: skinny and tall.

Chocolate/Caramel/Base Ratio: 1:3:3

Slice-ability: Back in the mines. Caramel oozes, unbreakable chocolate, impenetrable base.

Overall: Wins points for actually having salt when it said it would. Promptly loses them for having half the ocean flavouring the thing. The caramel and base, which was essentially a dense brownie, saved the day; I’d happily pay for just those layers.

Location: Night and Day (Manners Street)

Cost: $4.60

Size: Smallest and flattest of the lot.

Chocolate/Caramel/Base Ratio: 1:1:1

Slice-ability: Vaguely and unsurprisingly melty.

Overall: White chocolate swirled into the top wins it some artistic and arbitrary points. Cheap, sweet, and to the point. I’d expect nothing else from Night and Day fare.

Gold: Louis’! No question.

Silver: The Lab. Missing the the top layer, still tastes bloody good.

Bronze: Aro Cafe. The caramel saved the day.

4th: Night and Day. Reliable and available 24/7.

5th: Enigma. It’s an enigma why this thing is so bad. Sorry.

Now go forth and enjoy, life is too short for a shit caramel slice.