DEAR AUNTY VIC #5
Question: I can't help but give my number out to random guys. I have no intention of dating them, but I let them buy me free drinks. I'm in a long-term relationship. How do I stop being an attention whore?
Answer:
First off, props to you. Seriously, you’re out here doing the most—flirting, getting numbers and free drinks? Teach me your ways. Any single soul out there would love to possess your aura on a night out. I don’t think I’ve ever given anyone my number, nor have I flirted my way into a free drink.
Second of all, stop calling yourself an attention whore. What you are is a successful flirt.
My gut reaction is that you’re seeking attention, validation, and some overall special spice that may not be present in your current relationship. Are you satisfied with your relationship? What is it that you gain from these interactions that your relationship isn’t providing? Sit down and think about whether or not you actually want a relationship. By the sounds of it, you don’t. And that is okay. You don’t have to be 'university sweethearts' like your aunt and uncle. God, you’ve only been on this planet for what, 20 years?
What is not okay is your disloyalty to your partner. I’m assuming they have no idea about your escapades. Now, this could be presumptuous. You might be in an open relationship, but I doubt this whole scenario would be an issue if you were. Think about it from your partner’s perspective. Do you think they’d want to be in a relationship with someone who’s chatting up bros at the bar? Probably not.
You’ve probably been in denial about ending your relationship for a while, brushing those feelings under the rug. Understandable queen, your person may be kind, funny, loyal—they might tick every box under the sun. You’d be an utter idiot if you threw this person away?! Right?!
Wrong. Just because they’re your type on paper, doesn’t mean that they’re adding extra value to your life. Maybe you have grown as much as you can with this person, and now it’s time to grow alone? Being single, especially at this age, is essential for growth and self-discovery.
If you reflect on your relationship and decide it's not making you happy, nor adding any pizazz to your life, it’s actually kinder to end it. Your partner deserves someone who loves them wholeheartedly, and you deserve the freedom you desire.
If you end things, I promise you, the world won’t end for either of you. It’ll be very difficult for a few hours, days, weeks, months. But they will recover. They will move on.
It’s like The School of Life Alain de Botton says, “There is a difference between being kind and seeming kind. To stay with a person because we want to avoid a few hours of uncomfortableness is no favour to them, especially if we go on to be bitter, distant, and mean. Real kindness means getting out.”
In conclusion, stop shittalking yourself. Exploring your options doesn't make you an 'attention whore'. It means you’re a confident conversationalist who gets what they want! You’re allowed to want more excitement and to feel free, just don’t do that at your partner’s expense! If your relationship is no longer fulfilling your needs, that is okay. Life is too short to be held back.